nummaith thozhudhOm

nummaith thozhudhOm

These pASuras are excellent and unique in the sense they are sung by AzhwAr as tirumangai AzhwAr. But the pASuras are full of passion and feelings that even parakAla nAyaki would not have expressed her feeling as good as these.

AzhwAr came to this tirupati with a desire to see the parimaLa vangaperumAn, to do kainkarya, to make anjali and be here till the end of his life. But BagavAn willed it otherwise being a swatantra (free will). He did not see him, not bless him, not enquire about his health and did not employ him to do kainkarya. Well! Who can read His thoughts absolutely free as He is! Perhaps He thought He should hear AzhwAr’s passionable cries and emotional outbursts. So He closed the door of His garBagruha and stayed inside!

1. nummai tozhudOm numtam paNiSeidirukkum nummaDiyOm
immaikkinbam peTTrOm endAi indaLooreerE |
emmaikkaDidA karumamaruLi AvAvenrirangi
nammaiyorukAl kATTinaDandAl nAngaL uyyOmE ||

Oh! emberumAn! Oh! indaLooreerE! Oh! My swAmi! i have sought Your tiruvaDi. i am sure i cannot ‘exist’ without doing kainkarya. i feel extremely happy when i think of You. But You seem to be indifferent to me. Won’t You employ me in Your service? Won’t You show Your form when You walk here? Won’t You take pity on me?

AzhwAr is like an extremely thirsty person in a parched land. He desires to have at least a drop of water to wet his dry lips. Not that he is satisfied at it. What he feels is if He shows a little bit of Himself then AzhwAr can catch Him in his net of love.

2. SindaitannuL neengAdirunda tiruvE maruviniya
maindA andaNAli mALE SOlaimazhakaLirE |
nandAviLakkin SuDarE naraiyoor ninranambi en
endAi indaLoorAi aDiyErku iraiyum irangAyE ||

In the previous pASura AzhwAr lamented piteously. Still emberumAn did not show any compassion on him. Oh! selvA! Will the ocean ever get dry? Can Your merciful nature be ever changed? Why should You treat me like this? Won’t You have even the slightest show of compassion on Your dAsa?

You are indeed never separated from me in my mind! You are ever enjoyable. You are like a young elephant of the forest (or tirumAlirum SOlai)! You are an ever shining lamp! You live in naraiyoor, in tiruvAli, in tiruindaLoor! Why do You come here in archAvatAra if You are averse to showing merely on me?

3. pESuhinradiduvE vaiyam eeraDiyAl aLanda
mooSivaNDumuralum kaNNimuDiyeer ummaikkANum |
Asaiyennum kaDalil veezhndu ingu ayartOm ayalArum
EsuhiradiduvE kANum indaLooreerE ||

Oh! emberumAn! indaLooreerE! Listen to me. i may worship You or may not worship You. If i don’t it is my mistake and i am the loser. i shall tell You one thing. Listen! You take lot of pains to fulfill the promise given to indra and others and even beg three feet of land from a rAkShasa—mahAbali. You measured them with a huge form of trivikrama. Thus You make all efforts to others except me. You place Your tiruvaDi on all and sundry even if they don’t ask for it (in trivikrama avatAra). But You give a deaf ear and turn Your face away when i plead with humility. i don’t desire any thing perishable and meager. What i desire is i should see You and worship You. If You don’t heed my request You sure are going to toll Your name as ‘varada’. People will certainly say ‘Aha! This AzhwAr wanted so much BagavAn’s sambandha but he could never get it and finally died of disappointment.’ If such a slander is thrown at You by a commoner won’t it affect Your name and fame? Well! i too would say and feel the same! Is this the way of a sarva rakShaka? Answer me!

4. AsaivazhuvAdEttum emakku ingu izhukkAittu aDiyOrku
tESamariya umakkEALAi tirihinrOmukku |
kASinoLiyil tihazhum vaNNam kATTeer emberumAn
vASivalleer indaLooreer vAzhndEpOm neerE ||

i had strong desire to see You. But it is all in vain. Everyone know that i am wandering on this earth Your dAsa. Only You seem to be ignorant about it. Oh! indaLooreerE! You are mere brilliant than gold but You refuse to show Your form. Why should You discriminate between high and low? You show them to nitya sooris, not to me! ‘BaktAnAm tvam prakASaSE’—You show yourself to Baktas—is believed. You seem to think only fortunate some are eligible to have Your vision. If You think so, why should You stay here in indaLoor as archA? Aren’t You here for the sake of samsAris? In this place where You should not show any discrimination, You act so. Why? Ok. Let Your form be Yours only! You see it! You smell it! You touch it! You keep it to Yourself! Go and get lost! Live for Your sake alone!

5. teeyemberumAn neeremberumAn tiSaiyumirunilanum
Ai emberumAn AhinirAl aDiyOm kANOmAl |
tAi emberumAn tandai tandai yAveer aDiyOmukkE
emberumAnalleerO neer indaLooreerE ||

emberumAn! You are the fire, You are the Boomi, You are the antaryAmi of five Bootas. You are the directions. You are all. BagavAn thinks ‘Well! This AzhwAr seems to know SAstras where it is said about my antaryAmitva. Then why can’t he see me anywhere and everywhere? AzhwAr reads His mind and says ‘BagavAn! Oh! indaLooreerE! i know You are the antaryAmi of all in this world. i am not interested in that tatva. What i want now is Your vision of Your divya mangaLa vigraha with SanKa and chakra and all. What use of Your jagatswaroopa to me? Aren’t You in indaLoor for the sake of such folks as me?

Your pravAsudEva swaroopa (in paramapada) can be enjoyed by nityas and muktas; Your vyooha swaroopa by brahma and others; Your viBava like kriShNa and rAma by those who lived at that time; Your antaryAmi by only a few like prahlAda. For all like me only archa can be enjoyed. The blind do not enjoy what the non-blind enjoy and vice versa.

6. SollAdozhiyahillEn arindaSollil nummaDiyAr
ellArODumokka eNNiyirundeeraDiyEnai |
nallArariveer teeyArariveer namakkivvulahattu
ellAmariveer eedEyariyeer indaLooreerE ||

Oh! indaLooreerE! i want to say something to You. i shall certainly express it now. i cannot keep quiet. Listen. You think i am one of Your numerous dAsas. i am not. You know who are good and who are bad. In fact You know everything. But You don’t know one thing i.e. me!

‘BagavAn You are SEShi and i am SESha. i should not behave like this. But me tell me You one thing. You think You know everything. In fact You don’t know me. You think i am one of Your ordinary dAsas. i am not. seeta pirATTi said ‘oordhvam mAsAnna jeeviShyE’ (i shall not live more than a month) if rAma does not come. But i tell You one thing—i shall not live more than a minute if You don’t come. You know the nature of those nallAr who pine without Your presence; You know the nature of those who never care for You or Your sambandha. ‘ajnAtan nAsti tE kinchit triShu lOkEShu rAGava’—There is nothing in these three worlds which is not known to You. Well! You don’t know this tirumangai AzhwAr! indaLoorE ! Why do You come and stay in this divya dESa?

7. mATTeerAneer paNi-neerkoLLa emmaippaNiyariyA
veeTTeer idanai vErE SonnOm indaLooreerE |
kATTeerAneer nundam aDikkaL kATTil umakkinda
nATTEvandu toNDarAna nAngaL uyyOmE ||

In the previous pASura AzhwAr criticized His srvajnatva. Here he criticizes His sarvaSaktimatva. ‘You say You are sarvaSaktimAn. But You don’t seem to have the capacity to extract kainkarya from me! Perhaps You think ‘What sort of kainkarya can this neecha (low) do to me?’ But, emberumAn, i tell You, You lack the skill to correct this neecha. If i were a piece of stone or wood i wouldn't have minded a bit. But i am a jeeva. You created me like this sentient being. Whose very nature is SEShatva and kainkarya. At least You can show Your tiruvaDi to me. Even that You refuse to do. Aren’t they for the sake of theirs? If only You show Your tiruvaDi i shall feel happy being in this samsAra and feel the purpose of living.

8. munnaivaNNam pAlin vaNNam muzhudum nilaininra
pinnai vaNNam koNDal vaNNam eNNungAl |
ponnin vaNNam maNiyin vaNNam puraiyum tirumEni
innavaNNam enru kATTeer indaLooreerE ||

When i think of Your tirumEni if find that in the first yuga it was milky white since the people were predominantly of satva guNa. In the second yuga, trEta yuga it was red (of rajO guNa) and in dwApara yuga it was green. Now in kaliyuga You take Your original colour—dark like cloud (tamas). Thus says the SAStra. But i want to see what Your colour is in archAvatAra. Show me ‘AzhwAr! This is how i look’. i shall be pleased to see You.

9. endaitandai tammAnenrenru emar Ezh EzhaLavum
vandu ninra toNDarOrkE vASivalleerAl |
Sindai tannuL mundiniTTreer Siridum tirumEni
inda vaNNam enru kATTeer indaLooreerE ||

Oh! indaLooreerE! Not only me, but my forefathers of seven generation were engaged in Your kainkarya alone. We consider Your dAsas; You stand foremost in our hearts. Yet, You refuse to show Your tirumEni to me. Alas! i feel it is a great loss!

10. ErAr pozhilSoozh indaLooril endai perumAnai
kArAr puravil mangaivEndan kaliyan oliSeidu |
SeerAr inSolmAlai kaTTru tirivArulahattu
ArAr avarE amararku enrum amararAvArE ||

The chief of tirumangai, this AzhwAr, has sung ten pASuras-a garland of beautiful words—to the emberumAn of tiruvindaLoor. Those who read them will be honoured by all irrespective of who they are. It is said about Sree rAmAnujAchArya that whoever seeks his tiruvaDi—irrespective of their cast-creed, position, knowledge, pApas—will be removed. Similarly AzhwAr expresses his idea regarding the pASuras on indaLoor BagavAn.

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